NaPoWriMo: Being Good

[k_crow]

Grief tightens my throat
Old visitor, back again, there and gone for its visit.
Brief chat, as my mind winds through my many definitions of "being good".
If I do this, he'll smile at me
If I avoid expressing that, she won't get pissed tonight
I know "good" for each of my lovers, and the variations that takes
I know "good" for my workplace, even more definitions to tire me
"Good student" has yet another set of rules, thou shalts and shalt nots.

My life is a pilgrimage, rituals to each holy shrine
Scripts I play over and over like a puppet upon a stage
"Good" is my grail, unquestioned, simply an is
"Good" is my cross, burden unceasing, a cup that never passeth by
Waiting patiently, or not, but still waiting for my turn
When does my reward come? When does somebody seek my "good"?

Is there any way out of this so convenient trap?
Is there a way that I can stop seeking praise, seeking comfort for others?
Is there a way to find out what I want, besides being everybody's good?
Is it any wonder that good rhymes with should?