k_crow: (Default)
*grin* I had an awesome lunch. Turns out the sushi place two blocks up form me has an all-you-can-eat lunch deal for $13.95. So I pigged out on unagi (I'd call 5 pieces pigging out anyways), and had several slices of california rolls, and one piece of salmon. *purrrrr* i think this was a suitable way to spoil myself today.
Quizy goodness )

The past.

Jun. 20th, 2002 08:55 am
k_crow: (Default)
I'm a little... dazed I guess is the best word for it.

Today's my birthday, and I'm now 26 years old. Goddess knows I did not expect to live to this age. No reason, just the feeling that I wouldn't.

The dazedness comes from a post made by [livejournal.com profile] technoshaman, talking about my wedding to [livejournal.com profile] lerryn and how coming up here to WA for it inspired him and [livejournal.com profile] jenkitty to move to Seattle from Atlanta.
Not sure this'll all make sense )

Thinking.

Jun. 3rd, 2002 12:45 pm
k_crow: (Default)
I've probably talked about this before, but it is one of the recurring themes of my life. I enjoy thinking. I enjoy new ideas, new perspectives, the hints and nudges that get me to look a little further beyond my own worldview.

More thoughts )
k_crow: (Default)
I took Friday as a vacation day, because I seriously needed some time to myself, and time to prepare for the Game Day over at Sar/Runnerwolf/Damiana_Swan's place. I'm very glad I did, because Game Day was a lot more crowded than most of us expected it to be. I can't say I was entirely surprised, especially with all the folks who wanted to be able to meet [livejournal.com profile] jadine and [livejournal.com profile] dymaxion.

Game Day shenanigans )
k_crow: (Default)
I spent Friday night being scared out of my mind.

Why? Because of seeing a post by one of my beloveds, reading it, and immediately going, "No, not talking about me. Quit assuming everything's about you, doofus." Then I found out this afternoon that I was the person being talked about.

The thing that scared me most, had me the most unnerved and feeling like the floor just dropped out from under me was where my beloved was talking about me as the "other...to be honest...primary partner" of one of their partners. Immediate denial on my part, AM NOT! Followed by the realization of, okay, by the definitions my husband and I use for primary, I'm correct. By our definition, primary is someone I'm living with, sharing financial and other mundane responsibilities with, as well as having a high degree of emotional connection and personal committment to the relationship.

So, how do you define your primary relationships? If you use a hierarchical system at all?
k_crow: (Default)
Something that's been on my mind today is how I see people. Even when I was very young, I was criticized for my views of which people I perceived as beautiful, and which ones I did not.

Even today, I'm aware that most of my beloveds do not quite match up to the 'normal' standards of beauty. (Honestly, the only person I've ever dated who my folks acknowledged as good looking is my husband.) I'm aware of this in the sense of knowing how they view their own looks, and the comparisons they make between their looks and what society says is beautiful. Also, over time I've learned what is considered attractive by talking with others who don't see as I do. It's like learning to recognize a pattern, one that may or may not correspond with what i perceive as beauty.

My best guess is that what I see isn't only the physical outside of someone. That what I see is also informed by the inner person. This gets very frustrating for me at times, most especially when one of my beloveds is unhappy with their physical self. I do my poor best to put into words how I see them, and it doesn't help. I know they need to find acceptance within before they can truly hear and acknowledge the acceptance I'm already giving them from without. It doesn't stop the pain of seeing someone who is blindingly beautiful to me hurting because they don't feel that way to themselves.

One of the most painful is talking with one beloved when zie's unhappy with zir body. i love this person for who zie is, for both the male aspect and the female aspect, and I can see the traits of both sides most of the time. Unfortunately, sometimes all zie sees is zir physical body, and how it doesn't match how zie wants to look. It's strange trying to tell someone about the physical traits their body has that differs from their apparent gender, and doing so in an affirming and loving way. Mostly because I know that while I may be reassuring and reinforcing one aspect, I may be hurting the feelings of the other aspect. *wry smile* Nah, my relationships aren't complicated. ;) And I wouldn't trade my relationship with zir for the world.

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