The past.

Jun. 20th, 2002 08:55 am
k_crow: (Default)
I'm a little... dazed I guess is the best word for it.

Today's my birthday, and I'm now 26 years old. Goddess knows I did not expect to live to this age. No reason, just the feeling that I wouldn't.

The dazedness comes from a post made by [ profile] technoshaman, talking about my wedding to [ profile] lerryn and how coming up here to WA for it inspired him and [ profile] jenkitty to move to Seattle from Atlanta.
Not sure this'll all make sense )


Jun. 3rd, 2002 12:45 pm
k_crow: (Default)
I've probably talked about this before, but it is one of the recurring themes of my life. I enjoy thinking. I enjoy new ideas, new perspectives, the hints and nudges that get me to look a little further beyond my own worldview.

More thoughts )


May. 29th, 2002 01:08 pm
k_crow: (Default)
I dream a lot, both waking and sleeping. I usually remember my dreams, though for the last couple of weeks my dreams haven't been staying with me. I'd remember them in those few moments where I'm transitioning from sleeping to awake, and once awake left with only an awareness of having dreamed.

Oddness )
k_crow: (Default)
I took Friday as a vacation day, because I seriously needed some time to myself, and time to prepare for the Game Day over at Sar/Runnerwolf/Damiana_Swan's place. I'm very glad I did, because Game Day was a lot more crowded than most of us expected it to be. I can't say I was entirely surprised, especially with all the folks who wanted to be able to meet [ profile] jadine and [ profile] dymaxion.

Game Day shenanigans )
k_crow: (Default)
Well, today's quite a contrast from my last post. Today I'm feeling very up, very happy, and glad to be alive. Why? Partly because of staying home yesterday. Partly because the sun's shining and the day is gorgeous. Partly because the one partner I had even the beginnings of a misunderstanding with cleared that up with me today.

The biggest part though is because of my date last night. One thing that most of my partners learn about me sooner or later, talking, especially about troubles or some deep subject, is almost more satisfying to me than anything else. I love talking with someone and the 'growing closer' that results from it. When I date someone, it's because I want to learn more about who that person is, and I'm humbled when they want to get to know who I am in return. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex a great deal. In all its myriad forms, sex allows for a nonverbal 'growing closer' that nothing else can touch. But if I can't hold a decent conversation with someone before and after (I'm usually a bit too incoherent during), what's the point?

The part of our talking last night that still has me feeling very thoughtful was about potentials. It's kind of scary when someone has grown close enough to see that deeply into you, who can help drag out to the forefront something you were hiding from yourself. (I know, I'm being obscure, that's where my comfort level is at the moment.) Part of me is overjoyed, because if those potentials can be seen by someone else, than I'm not just imagining them. Part of me is scared, knowing that if those potentials are real, then eventually I'm either going to have to do something about them, which will involve a *HUGE* shake-up of my life, or bury them completely, which will in effect being denying part of who and what I am.

I don't want to deny who I am. I want to live my life growing and changing and becoming more myself as the years pass. So, we'll see where this goes. I do love living my life and discovering where my path leads, just change is scary, and not easy to face at times.


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